I've been wondering when a good time would be to bring up an
analysis on The Smowhawk as it is easily the most common and frustrating
species of tube traveller out there. Now’s as good a time as any I suppose.
You know them as slow- walkers, strollers, laggards or only by the feelings of rage you suppress when you get stuck behind one. Now I'm not referring to anyone who is elderly or disabled in any way, I mean the perfectly able numbskull who is walking approximately 60% slower than they should be.
You know them as slow- walkers, strollers, laggards or only by the feelings of rage you suppress when you get stuck behind one. Now I'm not referring to anyone who is elderly or disabled in any way, I mean the perfectly able numbskull who is walking approximately 60% slower than they should be.
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| The Smowhawk |
There’s nothing quite as infuriating then walking down a
tunnel and getting stuck behind one of these ambling assholes who are
completely unaware they have about 50 people behind them. There is no escape
from The Smowhawk as they populate tunnels, stairs escalators, tickets halls,
platforms and even the surface. Their high numbers can only be attributed to
a spore-like reproductive cycle (in theory) and their diet consists of anger and fustration.
An evolutionary quirk has also enabled them to have a special instinct to know when you are about to attempt an overtake so that they can suddenly saunter over your new path to thwart you. The Smowhawk is the number one most hated species of commuter and with such high numbers, something needs to be done.
With enough backing we can petition the government for some inhumane culling, preferably with lots of fire and acid.
An evolutionary quirk has also enabled them to have a special instinct to know when you are about to attempt an overtake so that they can suddenly saunter over your new path to thwart you. The Smowhawk is the number one most hated species of commuter and with such high numbers, something needs to be done.
With enough backing we can petition the government for some inhumane culling, preferably with lots of fire and acid.
Habitat – Everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
Special Skills – Advanced path blocking ability, short-term clairvoyance, rear view vision, shuffling
Special Skills – Advanced path blocking ability, short-term clairvoyance, rear view vision, shuffling
Weaknesses – None discovered so far. Scientists are working around the clock.
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